its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
