I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
