Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
