i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
