In the future we'll all be gay
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
