Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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