i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
