Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
