That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
