Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
