I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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