I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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