we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
