She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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