Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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