my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
