Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
