My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
