Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
