Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
