all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
