Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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