Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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