You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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