oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
