I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize