i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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