your parents love me but you hate me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
