I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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