there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
