Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
