forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize