He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
