He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
