that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize