Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
