You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
