So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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