Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
