Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
