Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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