When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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