i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
