I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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