Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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