I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
