Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
