Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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