i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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