Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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