I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
im on a boat
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