you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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