ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
