How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
