ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize