its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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