so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
