Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
