hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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