Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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