There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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