please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
