do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
