I'm so fucking centered right now
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
