We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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