I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
