i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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