i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
